WHY NCAA IS TAKING SO LONG TO RULE ON OSU INFRACTIONS:
1. DJ “JJ TRESSEL” IS MAKING A MIX TAPE OF RESULTS, SO THEY CAN RELEASE IT ON YOUTUBE.
2. NBA LOCKOUT RESOLUTION CAUGHT THEM BY SURPRISE AND DECIDED TO SEE IF OSU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT.
3. HAD TO REWRITE FINDINGS TO ADD REMOVAL OF BRAXTON FRESHMAN AWARD
4. OSU BASKETBALL TEAM’S SUCCESS IS RAISING MANY MORE RED FLAGS—“LET’S SEE HOW FAR WE CAN TORQUE THE SCREW.”-NCAA
5. WITH POSSIBLE SMALL CROWD AT BIG TEN CHAMPIONSHIP GAME, THEY ARE WORKING ON LANGUAGE TO MANDATE ATTENDANCE BY CENTRAL OHIOANS.
6. NCAA IS PRETTY SURE THAT THERE IS AN OSU TIE IN WITH RECENT EXOTIC ANIMAL FIASCO.
7. OHIO HAS A CITY WITH NAME “SANDUSKY” WHICH MUST HAVE SOMETHING NEFARIOUS TO DO WITH PENN STATE-GATE.
8. ON TOP OF ONE OF CRAIGSLIST KILLER’S SHALLOW GRAVES, A BUCKEYE WAS FOUND. WHAT UP GENE?
9. OSU HOCKEY TEAM FOUND TO HAVE A “BALL BOY.”

WHEN YOU SHOULD CALL IT QUITS AT YOUR JOB
1. At your work, the “To Catch a Predator” video crew can’t get past the crew from TMZ.
2. When your paycheck has deductions taken out for being an a-hole.
3. When your desk job description suddenly has an addendum: “Perform all needed ball boy tasks.”
4. When your boss oversees your work from a skybox.
5. When you are reassigned to your job’s non-existent Pakistani office.
6. When the “new guy” adds laser site to his glock.
7. When no one knew or cared that your 100+ day lockout is over.
8. When you return from 2 weeks of occupying your town center, but no one noticed you were gone.
9. When co-worker on work trip with you tell TSA that you have been acting suspiciously.
10. When your successor is named the week before the biggest game of the year.
11. When your photo is displayed with line a through it at your HMO approved doctor’s office.
12. When spouse’s incriminating recorded conversation is used as introduction to the news.

New Apple CEO has announced new product release—the “Freddie Mac”- seems like a bad sign

1. Ponzie-palooza
2. Palin-palooza
3. Chemo-palooza
4. Poopa-palooza
5. Loser-palooza
6. Tofu-palooza
7. Sniper-palooza
8. Home school-a-palooza
9. First responder-palooza
10. Newt-a-palooza SEND ME MORE!!

I swapped the wires on my rear view car camera so I can see in front. That way if I dose off while driving, I will catch a quicker glance of what is ahead -smart huh?

1. Tresell is wearn bomb vest
2. Pryor speed thru selling shirts “Not drafted yet but will start somewhere!”
3. Ncaa reps have g smith hooked up to maury’s lie detector machine
4. Script Ohio is to be done in lower case arial type
5. NCAA rep said “Sugarbowl-Smugerbowl”
6. Tresell resume’ copies rejected xcept Gene Smith
7. “Vest” needle point tatted under Tressel real vest-seen as kinda funny.

NCAA will come down from their mountain and wield a powerful blow to OSU Football-but, before they do-here are a few more things OSU could do to make the upcoming slap less painful:

What else can Ohio State Football can do to punish itself for all of its wrongdoings:
1. Play home games in a field near the mall
2. Change school colors from scarlet and gray to gray & grayer
3. Use women’s dress shoulder pads for first 5 games.
4. Have half time Punt, Pass, and Sell contests.
5. Reopen closed end of unused horseshoe stadium to be used as pedestrian entrance to world’s largest Michigan souvenir store.
6. Change buckeyes on helmets to dollar signs.
7. Add a 5th quarter to home games allowing players to set up kiosks for selling collectibles, trading for tattoo services, and meeting with car salesmen.
8. Change university name to “an Ohio state university.”
9. Rehire John Cooper as coach.
10. Change mascot name from Brutus to Bruce
11. Re-enact the Arkansas/OSU Sugar Bowl Game showing new turning point when Terrell fumbled ball in end zone and have a Razorback recover it.
12. After donating $50 to Arkansas’s football program, donors receive- a 12” by 2” maroon rectangle to iron on over inaccurate Sugar Bowl shirts.
13. Offer free bus service after home games to wherever Terrelle is playing or likely just hanging out on Sundays.
14. Declare Michigan winner of every OSU-Michigan game, past and future.
15. Re-name team—“Suckeyes”
16. When dotting the eye at halftime, simultaneously poke a just honored OSU football veteran in his eye.
17. Add “E” to “OSU” with dash = “O-SUE”
18. Rename Woody Hayes St. — “Kirk Herbstreit.”
19. After first loss have team openly disassemble Columbus’s brand new downtown Scioto Mile water park.
20. Make team go to all Columbus Blue Jacket games.
21. Break story and distribute copies about Archie Griffin’s odd use of his 2 Heisman trophys.
22. Weekly- name two OSU athletes “Miss Demeanor” and “Fellow Felon.”
23. Have Charlie Sheen make game time, live -over the pa- witticisms.
[From disgusted OSU fan who is trying to find something to laugh about]

What else can Ohio State Football can do to punish itself for all of its wrong doing:
1. Re-name team—“Suckeyes”
2. Play home games in field near the mall
3. Change school colors from scarlet and gray to gray and grayer.
4. Buy back OSU memorabilia highlighting the Sugar Bowl win—have replacement “Arkansas Won” option.
5. Send -at no charge- a 12” by 2” maroon rectangle to iron on over Sugar bowl shirts.
6. Add “E” to “OSU” with dash = “O-SUE”
7. Rehire John Cooper as coach.
8. Hire Jim Tressel to be compliance officer
9. Use women’s dress shoulder pads for first 5 games.
10. Offer free bus service after home games to wherever Terrelle is playing on Sunday.
11. Have half time Punt, Pass, and Sell contests.
12. Reopen closed end of unused horseshoe to be used as pedestrian entrance to world’s largest Michigan souvenir store.
13. Change “Hang on Sloopy” to “Hang up _______”
14. Hire ex congressman Weiner as school photographer
15. Hire Casey Anthony as Ethics Overseer.
16. Change mascot name from Brutus to Bruce
17. Start massive ad campaign detailing how “buckeyes” are really a poisonous nut.
18. Change to “an ohio state university.”
19. After first loss have team openly disassemble the new Scioto Mile.
20. Make team go to all Blue Jacket games.
21. Defame Archie Griffin for the conniving slug that he is.
22. Rename Woody Hayes St. to “Kirk Herbstreit.”
23. When dotting the eye at halftime, actually poke handicapped fan in the eyes, Stooges style.
24. Change buckeyes on helmets to dollar signs.
25. Add a 5th quarter to home games to allow players to sell collectibles, meet with car salesmen and tattoo artists, learn Ebay selling tips—starts with keynote speech by Craig of Craigslist.
26. Weekly name two OSU athletes “Miss Demeanor” and “Fellow Felon.”
27. Declare Michigan winner of every OSU-Michigan game, past and future.
[From disgusted OSU fan who is trying to find something to laugh about.\]

Always thought it funny that “mneumonic” itself is hard word to spell here is a mneumonic mnemonic Many Narcissitic Egotistical Uppity Milfs Own Neurotic Irritating Cats